my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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