Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
