Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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