ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
