I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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