i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
