so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
