Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
