you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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