dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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