i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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