she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
