my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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