he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
