New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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