well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
