3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
