i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
