He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
