got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
