I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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