I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
