***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
