Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
