Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
