Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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