someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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