I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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