Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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