the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
