Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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