You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
