Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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