literally had 100 drinks last night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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