I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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