What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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