lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
