Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
