Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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