We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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