I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
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So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
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he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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