if i can run in heels then i can drive
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
