I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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