ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
