If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
