omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
