They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The adults are the big ones right?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
