We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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