I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
