Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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