i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
