You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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