Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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