Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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