a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't deserve a penis
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize
