I'm going to jail i love you
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
