There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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