I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
