Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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