She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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