Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
