remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dicks are not precious.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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