Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
