I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
