If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
17 year olds will be the death of me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
