She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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