My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think I sprained my soul last night
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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