So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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